Who feels the way I feel?
by CalmMango
Summary: AU. One-shot. Rated T for teen suicidal themes and cursing. Bubbline. Marceline and Bonnibel were fine. Their grades, friendships and even relationship too. But when Marceline becomes exceedingly distant due to reason unknown, everything falls apart. Now Bonnibel races to find the truth and keep the worst from happening. R & R plz and future apology for the extreme sad feels :(


**Part two in my quick stories of forgiveness in my procrastination. This song just gave me sooo many feels I couldn't handle it and had to write this! It's by ScoutTheWise. She's a great singer. Seriously, later, when the song comes up (written as Marcy's) You really need to listen to it. No, you seriously must. And you will probably cry your eyeballs out(I did)**

**1\. Paste at end of youtube url: /watch?v=agKI2cLv8GM**

**2\. Make a new window and search "rainy mood". The first entry is the right one and open it.**

**3\. Let the rain play as you read and when the song comes up in italics, play the video. Keep the rain playing too. (FROWN)**

**4\. Promptly cry, or frown sadly.**

**PRE-WARNING: _Sorry for inflicting this on you guys. Sorry, yet I'm not sorry._**

* * *

Bonnibel was right. God she was right. And it hurt. It hurt so bad, it felt like ever mean word she had spit back or mumbled under her breath, every time she blew her off for Lady and them or any other lame excuse , lied to her, had boiled up from her gut, like black poison. It consumed her whole being in a way she couldn't cover up the guilt, hate, and depression of it all with any smile of the sort. It was the truth, and contrary to her usual strong belief in its withheld positive powers, she wanted it to be a lie. So hard. But it wouldn't.

She gripped the CD player with a strong hand and ran as hard as she ever could've out the room. How could've it gotten so wrong? She bit the inside of her cheek and tasted warm metal. It's all her fault. She should've paid attention… She broke her promise to Marceline… the one she vowed never to hurt. And in the sake of disowning promises, for the first time in Bonnibel Bubblegum's life, she hated someone. A bitter, fist-clenching, eye burning, deep scorching hate. Never, she promised at an early age and stuck to it, would she ever _hate. _But now, that rule, that sacred promise had been broken. To who? Who was on the receiving end at such a powerful force? Simply, she hated herself.

* * *

**FOUR MONTHS BEFORE...**

Marceline laughed heartily at the joke as many groaned. Her lean hands held her sides as they clenched. "Oh god! Ahahaha!" She and Marshall Lee fist-bumped across the table.

Finn tried to hide a smile at the inappropriately clever line, Jake also trying, but eventually failing with a snort. Lady scolded and smacked her boyfriend. "Ow, ow gosh! Sorry Lady.." Jake apologized. Finn turned to Flame and she rolled her eyes at his expression. "I know, boys! Right Lady. They're so gross."

Everyone silenced as Bonnibel made her way to the table, back from her ASB meeting. Her strawberry blonde hair flowed behind her, colored a soothing pink at the tips. She sat down next to Marceline, who stared at her dumbly, with a goofy smile. "Hey guys. What's so funny?"

Marshall Lee smirks this time and elbows Marceline, knocking her out of an admiring trance. "Hey M, should I tell her?" Marceline glanced back at her princess' eager smile and looked uneasy. "I dunno Marshall, she's kinda pure and I-"

"So, bubblegum, did you know there are 20 letters in the alphabet?" Marshall interrupted with a wider smirk. Marceline pressed her forehead to the table with a groan. Bonnibel looked down at her girlfriend for a moment, then back up with a newfound curiosity. "No, Marshall, you're missing six."

He pretended a mock realization by slightly rubbing his temple. "Hmm.. oh yeah!" He snaps and the smug expression returns. Flame mumbled, "Here it comes…" He ignored her and said in a suggestive tone, "U, R, A, Q, T!"

Bonnibel took a moment to process it, mouthing out the actual words. _You, are, a, cutie? _"Oh, that's sweet Marshall, but you forgot one more. That's only twenty five." He twiddled his fingers nonchalantly and winked at her. "Nah its fine. I'll give you the _**D**_ later." Marceline jerked her head back up said with exasperation, "THERE IT GOES! SEXUAL INNEUNDOS EVERYBODY."

All eyes looked at Bubblegum and she only smiled warmly. "The _**D**_? I suppose that is the last letter needed, but I don't understand anything sexual about it Marcy." All eyebrows rised. Marshall bursted into fits of laughter. "Oh, oh God! Look bubblegum, the D means, 'My Dic-AAHHH!"

Marceline tackled him to the ground and shoved her forearm into his mouth. He sputtered, and she said accusingly, "Marshall, don't tell her! Man, she's so innocent! I'd like to keep her that way." The rest of the group except the pink girl chuckled at the interaction.

She eventually let him get up, wiped her wet arm on a napkin. Bubblegum stood up as the period ended, going on her tip-toes to press her lips to Marceline's. The older girl, being a couple inches taller, had to bend down a bit to meet hers, but smiles anyways. She swept her off her feet and swung her around gleefully. Bonnibel broke away with a grin and settled her feet back on the ground. "You're a total sap Marceline."

Marceline grabbed her backpack, along with her girlfriend's bookbag and made their way down the hall."Hey! ", she pouted. Bonnibel tugged on her arm affectionately. "…I didn't say I don't like it."

The rest of the day passed easily as it had always for the couple and their friends for the total two year's they'd been together. But it was before the … _incident_. The one that changed everything. That _ruined_ everything.

Bubblegum recalled how out of school, she said, "Marcy, are you going to come to the party at Jakes?" Marceline shook her head with disappointment. "Sorry, my dad and some of the rest of my family coming over for the weekend. For family bonding or something. Sorry babe. See you on Monday?"

The blonde waved her hand dismissively. "It's fine Marcy. And I will. Bye." She kissed her cheek and the raven haired girl blushed. She watched as Marceline then walked off to her car, still holding her cheek giddily. It… it was last time she saw the girl she fell in love with.

* * *

**MONDAY**

Bubblegum waited by the school gate for Marceline to come. They always had some unspoken agreement to make it there at exactly 8:00, no matter what. Occasionally one or the other would be a couple minutes off, but it never mattered. Her smile turned into a frown as her watch bleeped. She was thirty minutes late. Stalking off to class, she shrugged it off, thinking, 'Marceline's probably saying goodbye to her dad. It's cool. You'll see her at lunch.' Her hand clenched nervously from not being held as it usually was.

She was wrong. At lunch, no Marceline. Texting her girlfriend frustratedly, a reply never came back. Everyone said it was fine and she was over thinking it. So Bonnibel believed them and relaxed. Everything was _fine_.

It was two more days until the black haired girl came to school. She had offered no calls, no texts, or any sort of confirmation that she'd even been alive. So when the group saw her, they all seemed to tackle her in a group hug… except Bonnibel. She forced herself to give a sheepish smile at the clearly angry girl. "H-Hey Bonnie." Her voice was an unnatural sort of rasp, but no one took notice. "Marceline! Where have you been?!" She rubbed the back of her neck and looked at the ground.

"Eh… my dad kept me back for a little while longer and took away my phone. He's over-protective sometimes." She lied. Gritting her teeth she forced a smile. She hated lying to Bonnibel. Why couldn't she tell her?

Bonnibel sighed in relief and collapsed into her pale arms. "…don't scare me again. Okay?" She rubbed her back with a soothed smile from feeling cared about. A real smile taking over the old one. But it didn't last long. At lunch, in the midst of her bliss of being with her girlfriend again, Bonnibel never saw the absent look in her eyes, which used to be so lively.

They went to parties, group gatherings and classes, but no one ever seemed to notice. Until it got worse. Finally, weeks later, on a date, Bonnibel was the first. They had gone to dinner for some pasta, her favorite, but Marceline seemed uninterested. A complete attitude change.

"What's up Marceline?" She grasped her hand, but found it cold. Marceline blinked silently and stared at her with no warmth longer in her eyes. They seemed to hide something very deep, but the other couldn't figure it out. Finally, Marceline broke it with a faked grin Bonnibel took as real. "Oh nothing, just noticing how good your hair looks today", she lied again.

Soon the group took awarance. Marceline Abadeer stopped joking around during lunch and soon at all, slouched, and seemed to wear a scowl. One day Lady asked, "Marceline why are you always so boring now?" Marceline frowned at her and snapped, "Shut up lady." She abruptly stood and dumped her all of her food in the trash, only one bite taken out of an apple. Everyone sat frozen.

Bonnibel gave an apologetic look and ran after her, catching up near a old oak tree. Its shade was useless and depressing on the cloudy/windy day. She turned her around. "What the heck was that?! Lady didn't even mean anything to you and you yelled!"

Marceline's shoulders felt weak and lazy, not strong and open as before. It seemed she was a whole new person when she looked her in the eyes. "Whatever Bonnibel. Just…" She seemed to struggle to say something. "It's my… family. They…" her hands made odd gestures, as to mimic something. Cold eyes turned to plead with her. "My dad was-"

"Bubblegum hurry! Lucy so needs to show you what Brad did at the ASB meeting!" LSP, a side friend, came running up, purple curls bouncing. Bonnibel shot Marceline a confused stare and walked away, leaving her desperate under the tree. "Um… okay, just calm down and get in a better mood Marceline." She called halfheartedly over her shoulder.

* * *

It happened faster than they thought. Soon the depressing girl was left uninvited to parties, forgot out of gatherings. They didn't mean to… but the atmosphere she carried around then was unnerving and unpleasant. She became rude, and moody, never seeming to smile. Eventually she stopped hanging with them at lunch and would go sit by the base of that tattered tree. Bonnibel would try to cheer her up, but nothing seemed to work anymore. Marceline would just tell her with a tone that meant she was trying to be nice, as hard as she could, that she go sit with the group. The raven haired girl always brought her guitar and seemed everyday, to write something in a small notebook.

Once, she sat with her and saw familiar names written down. It was Lady's. "Hey, let me write my name!" She offered, taking out her pink pen. Marceline froze up and objected softly, as she wrote her name sweetly, with hearts and flowers. "There. Why are you writing names down anyway?" Marceline bit her lip as the bell rung and stood up. Mumbling over her shoulder, she said, "It's for a test I'm doing. Don't worry, you'll pass." Then she smiled, before walking away.

* * *

Their relationship was on the rocks, and even though she hated to admit it to herself, Bonnibel gave almost every excuse to not stay alone with her sometimes. Anything. Once, Marceline glared at her and she glared back, heart breaking at the expression. _Why_, she would wonder. _Why us?_

She tried to find the problem multiple times, but Marceline just wouldn't open up anymore, not to her, not to seemingly anyone. She would just evade any contact after school, always hurrying somewhere. Stopping by her locker when the last bell sounded, Bonnibel grabbed her arm and pulled her calmly towards a different exit. "Hey Marcy, do you wanna go study in the library? We haven't gone there in a while." Marceline jerked her arm back gingerly, glancing at her watch for the time. She offered a small smile that lasted a couple seconds then made her way hurriedly back to the regular parking lot door. "No thanks Bonnibel, I kinda have to go somewhere. Bye!"

In little to no time, even her's grades dropped dangerously low, but she made no effort to pull them back up. By the beginning of the third semester, it was probable that she'd fail her junior year.

Bubblegum talked to her about it at the end of school one day, fed up. Fed up with the avoiding, the secrets, everything. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you Marcy?! You... you used to be... Different. Who is this! It's like I don't even know you anymore!" she yelled in the empty halls. The older girl now common face of indifference flickered to hurt at the sound of the polite girl curse. It wasn't like her. "I dunno, maybe you don't. I don't think I do either…" Her voice trailed off and cracked at the end. But it wasn't heard in the empty halls.

Bonnibel rubbed her temples in frustration. "Why don't you care anymore? About your life? About us? Your being an idiot right now and it seems you trying your hardest to keep it up!" Marceline's eyes were tired, with slight bags from inadequate amounts of sleep. She looked off out the gate and into the difference. The silence was tense and filled with emotion.

"I…" Her voice was even tired. Tired of it all. "I told you. I thought…" "You thought what!?" Bonnibel's voice grew. "God, please tell me what you were thinking when you decided to turn your whole life and relationship to crap! I miss the old Marceline, everyone does. Just tell me where she went?!"

More silence. It seemed to stretch time as the minutes ticked by. Marceline's mask broke and her face resembled hurt. "You…" her fists shook, as if holding something back. "I thought you weren't the same Bonnibel. I-I know now… I was w-wrong." The blonde girl crossed her arms and Marceline shut her eyes, running her fingers thought her tangled black hair.

"Don't worry. You won't this side of me anymore. It's gone." Her mouth curved into a genuine smile, something that seemed to come from the old Marcy. But it seemed off. Not fake, but twisted in a way. Bonnibel sighed and sniffed. "Look Marcy I-"Marceline held up her hand and the small smile never wavered. She held her chin in her hand and kissed her for a second, before backing up and looking into her eyes.

"I won't be rude or mean anymore. I even won't be boring or depressing, okay?" Bonnibel nodded with uncertainty. She whispered softly in her ear before walking off, "_I won't be anything." _

Confused by the cryptic statement, she stood dumbfounded as the car drove off. Her heart beat faster with alarm, as she made her way home. The next day, she wasn't there, but none else seemed to notice. But for once, Bonnibel did. And the next.

"Guys, Marceline hasn't been here for two days and she's seemed really down lately. I think we should all go to her house and cheer her up." She suggested at lunch. Finn gave a smile and a fist pump. "Yeah! I really do want to see her up again!"

Brightened by the idea, everyone one agreed to come to her house at around 4pm the next day, after school. She felt her hopes rise. Marceline did say she wasn't going to be sad anymore, didn't she?

* * *

**FRIDAY**

Everyone stood on the porch of the girl's house. Its pink exterior was pleasant, but odd for the dark girl tastes. When it used to invite joy, now felt desolate and alone. They knocked for almost ten minutes before sighing in defeat.

"This isn't working." Jake groaned. Bubblegum snapped her fingers in thought and dug in the potted plant next to the doorstep. It was the key. "Let's just go in. She's probably at the store, she said cheerfully, noting her red truck wasn't in its space. The door opened with an eerie creak.

The house was dark and silent. Flicking on the lights, revealed everything orderly and clean. But Marceline was the messiest person she knew. Finn and Jake made their way over to the couch and plopped down as usual, flicking on the television. Flame and Lady went to the closet and got out some game boards. They used to always have fun over there, and everything as automatic.

"It's gonna be just like old times." Marshal said with a grin and joined the girls on the floor. Bonnibel looked around and went up to the ladder to the girl's room. "Guys, I'm going upstairs for a bit." They waved her off as she climbed the stairs.

It was dark as the rest of the house, but had the worst feeling. Bonnibel felt her stomach lurch with unease. On her messy desk were everything, and her bed. Stepping over the piles of clothes, she made her way over to the small recording studio Marceline and she had set up together years ago. It felt like forever. All the memories. Checking the queue, she had deleted all her songs. Weird.

A thunder boomed in the distance, then a flash. The quick glint of light revealed a shiny object hidden in the back of the piles of items in her closet. She dug around curiously as she found the red notebook Marceline had for the last couple months. It was dirtied and ripped up in many places.

Sitting down on the bed, she opened it to find some scribbled notes and some CD, probably lost in it with the rush of mess. It was scratched almost purposely. She slid the disk in her little recorder, sliding on her favorite red headphones. It was apparently made on here last night, around midnight, as the little recorder showed. She picked her feet up on the bed and opened the book.

The scribblings were past ideas for songs, many of them too illegible to read… that is, until the last. Titled, "No one feels the way I feel." Promptly, the music began to play, a soothing guitar melody. The dark in undertones were unnerving and immediately grabbed her attention in a dark way. A cool shiver went down her spine, and frown on her face.

Then, came a sweet voice. Marceline.

_I'd like to go, somewhere better._ Her voice cracked at somewhere. Bubblegum stiffened. This song clearly wasn't something meant to be heard, a secret. Guilt creeped into her soul as she listened.

_So I'll pack some books, and my sweater.  
I don't know anyone, at least no one real;  
Who feels the way I feel._

_I'd like to see some new places.  
See some new things, and new faces.  
'Cause I don't know anyone, at least no one real;  
Who feels the way I feel._

As the voice harmonizes, Bubblegum feels her heart break into smaller pieces with a sudden realization. _Was… Is Marceline __**suic-**_She can't make herself finish the word. Her eyes became hot and her throat tightened.

_I don't know anyone, outside these pages.  
I need new sights, I need new faces.  
I don't know anyone, and maybe once I'm there,  
Someone will…  
__**Care…**_

_Who feels the way, I feel._

The guitar ended on an unfinished note, as if cut off midway. There is nothing playing anymore, except the sound of thunder in the background, from yesterday's storm. Shakily, she took off the head phones and looked around. The room didn't look the same at all.

The clothes seemed thrown around, as if looking for something. As if in a rush. Her eyes glanced back at the notes after the lyrics of the song. Thinking of how she wrote something so saddening while they were laughing, only a couple feet away, made her head throb.

The rest were ripped out, many ripped out, leaving almost half empty. She look up and around for the many loose papers. Yet, even through the mess, there was nothing. She felt her heart beat so fast it threatened to explode. She scrambled down the ladder with a CD player in hand and into the middle of the living room.

The happy chattering had turned to a stop, to an end. Lady first noticed the distress on Bonnibel's face. She looked like she was going to cry. "What is it?" She got up from her chair and walked over. Bonnibel shifted out of her touch and Marshall turned off the television.

Her hand dropped the player in the middle of the floor, and everyone gathered around, sensing something was extremely wrong. "Just… help find the papers." She rasped out and held up the note book. Odd stares ensured. Finn sat across from her and they formed a circle around the player. "Just tell us? What'd you see in Marceline's room?"

Bonnibel held up a hand and said quietly, "Just listen, then you'll understand. Okay? I… I found this in the back of her closet all ripped up with the book she's been writing in a lot. She made the song last night at midnight." Her fingers shakily pressed the button.

As the melody echoed through the room, everyone sat in silence. Slowly, as its tone became known as sorrowful, frowns appeared. Then it was Marceline.

Hearing her voice made Bonnibel hold her face in her hands and plug her ears. She… she just couldn't hear _that _again. She felt a pit in the bottom of her whole being rise and she wanted to throw up. At the ending lyrics, the true meaning became known. Bubblegum allowed herself to listen.

_I don't know anyone, outside these pages.  
I need new sights, I need new faces.  
I don't know anyone, and maybe once I'm there,  
Someone will…_

_**Care… **_Lady broke out into tears, and Jake held her, mumbling, "Oh my god…"

_Who feels the way, I feel._

The music clicked off to nothing except labored breaths. Finn wiped at his eyes and Flame sniffed. Marshall Lee looked down at his hands, and cursed repeated, clenching them into fists. Bonnibel held herself together the most, holding back up the notebook.

"There's… something in it. Please, we need to find these pages." Everyone paused, but then gave a reassuring nod, getting to work. Marshall and Jake dug around in the kitchen, checking every corner and space, Finn, Lady and Flame took up all the rooms, and Bonnibel just looked everywhere. Yet, after twenty minutes, it seemed they were getting nowhere. Bonnibel sat down defeated in the hallway.

Looking up at the bare bulb next to the attic she sighed. Then she took a second look. THE ATTIC! She jumped up to grab the small cord that hung from it, only to find it cut extremely short. So no one could open it. "JAKE OR MARSHALL LEE COME HERE!" she yelled and they all came scurrying.

"What.. is.. It?" Marshall huffed from adrenaline. His eyes were red and puffy. She pointed up at the small knob up high. He reached for it with his fingers tips, but was a long ways away. Jake jumped for it, and failed also. They all frowned at the dilemma before Marshall picked up Flame, the shortest of them all. She gasped the stubby rope and yanked once. Nothing. Twice. Nothing. Thrice? Nothing.

After inhaling sharply, she pulled down even harder for the fourth time and it came loose from being jammed. Seemingly a snowstorm of papers fluttered down. Bonnibel gathered up as many as she could and carried them to the living room.

Each paper had a name, some she didn't know, some she did. Each one was written in pencil or pen, like a scribble. But then each one had a red line or 'X' scratched threw it from later on. Jake was the first to find his name and bit his lip. "What is this?" He mumbled and Marshall replied in a grave tone, "I think… they're a part of a list. Like names of people she thought she could trust or talk to and…" Jake nodded. ".. And apparently didn't make it."

One by one, they found names of teachers, each others, and other student's names, all crossed off. Bonnibel picked up the last scrap and found it folded into a tight ball. Carefully uncrumpling it, it was her name, written in bright pink ink with hearts and in cursive. Her writing from that one day. It had been taped back together after being ripped up into pieces, but ended of crumpled into a ball in the end.

Her eyes grew wet as in red marker, not pen like everyone else's, her name was stroked-through multiple times, with shaky lines. "You don't think…" Lady said, eyeing her own name. Finn nodded and brought his knees to his chest. Bonnibel stood up, paper in her fist. She knew what they were hinting at. She had gotten the idea from the day she left, but ignored the feeling. Hopefully, it wasn't too late.

Jake took out his phone, jumping into action. "I'm calling 911." Finn and Flame stood also and the boy announced, "We're gonna check some places Marceline's been to a lot, like the store, the park, all that stuff."

Bonnibel grabbed her keys and nodded, knowing if she spoke she'd bursts into sobs. Her feet carried her outside into the dark grey overcast, sprinkles landing on her shoulders. She pulled out from the home and onto the road suddenly, face hot with fear. And then she knew. The car sped down the road completely over the limit. She knew where to find her girlfriend.

* * *

**THE PRESENT...**

She now weaves in and out of the spare cars on the road with her. Her leg jiggles anxiously as she reaches her destination, thunder rumbling overhead. Bonnibel practically trips over her feet as she runs out the car and up the hill. Marceline's always loved her short drive from the coast, especially this beautiful rocky cliff. They used to visit all the time for picnics and just for the view. Their spot.

Her foot slides on mud as she sprints up to the top. In her head, she wonders how she could've missed all the signs. I'm a horrible girlfriend, she thinks to herself. The frowns, forced smiles. Something went wrong over that weekend and continued through the months to Marceline. And she's not… Bonnibel chokes back more tears and presses harder, dodging a tree. She's not going to let Marceline go. Ever.

Reaching the stable peak, Bonnibel has to stop before she slides off the edge. Walking up to the truck, she's nowhere to be found. In the familiar seats are some books and her sweater… just like she said in the song. The bitter irony made her squint in pain. She looks in the back, under and evens a ways off into the woods nearby, but finds nothing. Returning, she clambers up to the top and calls out, "MARCY!"

She panics even more when she doesn't hear a reply. Fear rises up like acid in her throat. Again she cries out, but the thunder blurs her out. Her hair is soaked now, and she pushes her bangs out of her eyes. In the distance, is the faint sound of music and she runs towards it as hard as she can, tripping on the wet grass multiple times.

The familiar tune is her song she wrote. Rounding a corner, right on the cliffs edge, legs dangling over, is Marceline. Bonnibel all at once stops breathing, at about twenty feet away. However, from running, the stop of oxygen really isn't the best idea. She gasps right after, stumbling, choking in water and air. Marceline stops playing and turns around, eyes widening.

"BONNIBEL?!" She asks in pure shock, frozen in place. Bonnibel clambers to her feet still out of breath and tackles Marceline in a hug as hard as she can make. Marceline groans in pain, but can't really move from her arms being pinned down. Her voice is sore and even more tired than before.  
"Why are you here? I-…" Her sentence trails off, uncared for. The familiar grief returns to her expression and Bonnibel feels the tears she's been keeping back pushing through.

"WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO KILL YOURSELF MARCY? WHY? OH MY GOD WHY?" Water streams down into her eyes and she has to wipe them continually. She sits up and releases her hold, leaving Marceline to stare down at the rocks below her shoes. Instead the peaceful lapping known in her memories, it's now a vicious wave after wave, wearing the smooth stones down to a jagged point. Threatening to pull her in to her death.

"My… my family hates me. They hate me... for liking girls and not studying hard enough. I guess I'm a disgrace to the Abadeer name. God, I'm fucking disowned." She pulls her knees to her chest. "I'd like to think my dad wanted to stand up but… he just stuck himself in his work like he always does and ignored it. I think he hates me too. All I had was Simon. My uncle was the only one left for a month or two, and I'd see him every day after school. We'd forget about everything and just joke around like we used to, having fun. But he had Alzheimer's and…The doctors said he'd forget day by day and.. They were right. Soon I had to even remind him who I was. Then he died from…" She wipes her eyes, leaving them more red. "He just died. Now, I'm alone. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone left me, 'cause I was so bitter and I didn't know how to handle it. No wait, _leaving_ me. I started failing and I'm just a screw up." She stares solemnly at the terror below as if actually considering scooting a foot forward and slipping to her death. Bonnibel blood freezes at the thought.

"I'm just like what everyone tells me I am." She says quietly. "I guess that's why I want it to go away. To have it end. Then I won't feel so shitty all the time anymore. It's not like I could-"Bonnibel hands clench into fists as she pushes her on the wet ground, away from the edge. Tears stream down her face uncared for as she yells, "Shut up! Shut up Marceline! God you're not a screw-up!" Marceline's eyes widen as she rubs her face before saying, "You're such an idiot! Why can't you just see how much everyone cares about you?! How much I care about you!"

Bonnibel wipes some of the mud on her cheek off, vision blurry. "…How much I love you…" She whispers. Marceline stares on, face wet from tears and rain. "Can you let me go now?" Her voice cracks more than once. Bonnibel stares hard at her, untrusting. Marceline offers a watery eyed half-smile and she loosens her grip. The older girl pulls her into an embrace; muddy face buried in her hair.

They stay for a minute or two in silence except the pounding of the rain and roll of thunder. Marceline begins to shake suddenly and she grips her tighter. "I-I'm so s-sorry" She cries over and over like a mantra into her neck, tears mixing in like warm raindrops. "It's not your fault Marcy. It really isn't. You... You just take the burden of everything and put it on yourself." Bubblegum says to her as her body shivers into her own.

"Can you forgive me B-Bonnie? I just f-felt so alone and I-"Bonnibel kisses her wet forehead with a smile, interrupting her rant. "Of course Marcy. You're not alone. God, if you're going to know anything, remember that you're not alone." She holds her wet body tighter for a moment. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you…"

Marceline nods, wiping at her nose constantly. Soon, a bleeping sound indicates the time. It's Marceline's watch. "It's 6." Marcy states. Bonnibel feels her body grow numb from the cold. The sunset is nearly ending, with a golden, almost pink glow across the sky. She lets her girlfriend slide from her and sit cross legged at the view. She bites her lip as her expression is alarmingly blank. She sits beside her and leans her head on her shoulder.

Marceline interlocks their hands without saying anything. The sound of sirens running by in the far distance, passing by without a clue is heard. Marceline nudges her neck with her nose. "You guys called the c-cops?" Bonnibel frowns at her stutter and nods. "Jake called them." Marceline shifts uncomfortably and moves to pull down her sleeve with a pained look.

Bonnibel stares at her with furrowed brows. Marceline doesn't meet her eyes and sighs dejectedly. "I was… I'm… depressed Bonnie. I'm sorry I'm a bad girlfriend right now." Bonnibel kisses her cheeks and leans closer. "Don't ever be sorry Marce. You're my girlfriend because I… I love you. I don't really think you get how much though." Marceline shivers and gets to her feet, still looking over the edge. The unease in Bonnibel's whole being never leaves.

"I dunno if I was really going to do it though Bon. I was here for the whole day… just staring at the fall. I don't know why I waited so long. It would've been easy just to step off and have it be all over. But… I was afraid I guess." The rain pour continues and Bonnibel no longer feels Marceline's body warmth to keep the cold away. She feels her teeth go into chatter. Marceline seems unnerved by it though.

"…I really like you Bonnie. So much it scares me. My mom left me, my dad, the rest of my family, my friends, everyone. "She kicks a stray pebble off into the water grave and watches it fall. "It's why I can't _love _you. I-I'm scared to; cause then you'll eventually leave me too. But I want too. So bad. I dunno if I can trust you to though. All can promise not to, Simon did, but he left in the end anyway." Bonnibel stares at the ground, mind blank. It hurts her heart in ways she can't understand to hear Marceline say that and she frowns, but doesn't know what to say to help, to make her feel better. So she doesn't say anything.

Turning on her heels she kisses her softly, skin freezing from the rain. Marceline lets Bubblegum wrap her arms around her neck and stand on her tiptoes like she always did. Bonnibel lets the older girl pull her closer than needed and smile into her lips."I guess can." She finishes with a smile and Bonnibel giggles as Marceline starts to kiss her neck. It's a goofy action she hasn't done in a long while.

"MARCY Stop! Gosh!" She playfully pushes her away, teeth making an audible clicking sound. Marceline lets the rain get in her eyes and looks at her near hypothermic girlfriend. "Oh are you cold?" Bonnibel roll her eyes and Marceline nods.

"Okay, let's get back to the truck." She picks up her wet guitar and leads the way back.

* * *

**R &amp; R.**


End file.
